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Nov
7th
Sat
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I Love This Song

Pulp, “Common People”

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
she studied sculpture at Saint Martin’s College,
that’s where I,
caught her eye.
She told me that her Dad was loaded,
I said “In that case I’ll have a rum and coca-cola.”
She said “Fine.”
and in thirty seconds time she said,

“I want to live like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to sleep with common people,
I want to sleep with common people,
like you.”

Well what else could I do -
I said “I’ll see what I can do.”
I took her to a supermarket,
I don’t know why but I had to start it somewhere,
so it started there.
I said pretend you’ve got no money,
she just laughed and said,
“Oh you’re so funny.”
I said “yeah?
Well I can’t see anyone else smiling in here.
Are you sure you want to live like common people,
you want to see whatever common people see,
you want to sleep with common people,
you want to sleep with common people,
like me.”
But she didn’t understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.
Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
pretend you never went to school.
But still you’ll never get it right,
cos when you’re laid in bed at night,
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you call your Dad he could stop it all.

You’ll never live like common people,
you’ll never do what common people do,
you’ll never fail like common people,
you’ll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw,
because there’s nothing else to do.

Sing along with the common people,
sing along and it might just get you through,
laugh along with the common people,
laugh along even though they’re laughing at you,
and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that poor is cool.

I want to live with common people,
I want to live with common people etc…

Nov
6th
Fri
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The Can't-Don'ts

A conversation I remember:

Me: So all of us were there in the cafeteria, and we knew there was no more work for us, so we just started talking to each other.

Kim: Right.

Me: I was sitting with Mary and this other girl, and we were just kidding around, being silly. One of our bosses was at our table. It was ridiculous: he was playing Tetris on his cell phone the whole time, trying to ignore us. We kept trying to include him but he pretended we weren’t there.

Kim: Why?

Me: I don’t know. We’re all the same age. We all just lost our jobs together. You’d think he’d want to at least blow off some steam and share a few laughs. But it just bothered me that he wouldn’t acknowledge our presence, like he was afraid of our laughter somehow. And then he very quickly turned to the right and asked my other boss “So, what have you seen on the market lately? What’s good to buy?” and they started having this joyless conversation about stocks. I’ve seen them do it before: they just start talking about stocks or sports, but not as if they care. It’s as if they’re unable to-

Kim: They can’t.

Me: You’re right. They just can’t.

Kim: Some people just can’t. It’s very sad.

Nov
5th
Thu
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If Everyone Here Is a Genius, How Can I Tell That I'm Better Than You?

I should be writing self-help books, or leading seminars. For women. To find themselves. The genius within. Wait, no, that’s not enough. It should be she-genius, SHEnius. I’m so full of Shenius, I spilled a Cosmo on my nametag and the resulting stain is my personal seal of MEproval. Okay, let me stop now. The genius within has to pay attention to myself. And isn’t that what finding the genius within is all about? Helping others to find what lies within me? Shenius: Finding Youtential and Meproval for Women. You men can go work out your abs or eat a stick of beef jerky while I’m out finding myself. I’ll tell you all about it!

Nov
4th
Wed
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Come on everbody! It’s time to ROCK OUT and drop a LOG BOMB!!

Nov
1st
Sun
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I-wanna-make-sumthin-that-looks-like-this-one-day…!

So cool…

Oct
30th
Fri
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There is much left to learn...

I just tried to describe what a medieval fifedom is in Spanish, but failed hilariously.

Oct
29th
Thu
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Los Amores de Hephaestus

Yeah, so it looks like Aphrodite flew the coop for good, probably to shack up with “her” roommate Ares.
But Heph ain’t complainin, cause I found me this other guy. He’s my friend’s brother, and he likes to read, write, and philosophize. He told me that the book that changed his life was Crime and Punishment.
Me: When did you read it?
Him: Oh, I was about 10.
Me: Really??
Him: ::look of “what, is that strange?”::

…I hope he thinks people with gigantic asses are as funny as I do.

It looks like my anti-fucktard charm might be working:

Instructions: Just look at it!!

Oct
28th
Wed
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“Pulch: The Good Times”
a Flash animation by David Firth

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Please, Let Me Ask You About Your Problems

My friend Manuel had an odd request for learning English: “I want to meet more people who like to talk for three, four, five minutes without stopping, so I can listen to them. No one in school does that here.”
Me: “Have you tried radio call-in shows?”
Count your blessings, mann…

Oct
19th
Mon
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In the spirit of electronic procrastination, I give you STRONG BAD, a tiny Mexican wrestler who checks his email. Seriously, that’s all he does. I feel like everyone’s heard of this already, but there’s about 100 of these cartoons so maybe you haven’t seen these three: Techno, Sisters, and Radio.